random thoughts late at night

I really shouldn't be up right now posting - I should be going to bed. But after working 11 hours, I needed some unwinding time. Plus, my hubby is away tonight leaving me alone (with the cat and dog to protect me).

Anyway, I was just reading Steve's blog (www.worldoftomorrow.blogspot.com) about the latest Lost episode. I have to agree - a very good episode indeed. I was almost starting to get bored, but this week they amped things up and made it interesting again. I'm still trying to figure out whether the guy in the hatch with Locke is a good guy or not. I guess based on the end of this last episode, we might be leaning towards the bad guy side. I don't know. I'm not very good at figuring out all the details - I just like the story line. I also like the character development and the flashbacks to the past.

Well, that's the end of any somewhat coherent thoughts to come out of my brain tonight. I need to get to bed so I can be back at work at 8am. Woohoo!

Taxes

We had our taxes done the other day. Just when I thought there might be a chance of not paying in this year (as we have the past 2 years), my hopes were dashed. No such luck. Once again, we owe the state of Maine and the federal government a chunk of money. It amazes me that we can owe this much. Even when we adjusted our withholdings back in April, it still ended up that we didn't have enough withheld. I am starting to get a little sick of this issue.

What's even more frustrating is working in social work and seeing where some of the money goes. Sometimes it amazes me how ungrateful people are when they are receiving so much stuff PAID FOR BY ME. It's like, oh, no big deal if that breaks - I'll just get a new one. Or, like one of the kids I work with - I didn't buy these shoes, so no big deal if I gamble with them and lose them - I'll just get DHS to buy me more.

Yeah, reality can be a bummer sometimes. So, once again we have to dip into savings to pay our taxes. Maybe next year we can finally break even!!

Fried

There's not a lot to talk about right now. My mind is fried after working a 11 hour day. It wasn't difficult, I'm just finding that my brain doesn't want to think. But I know I haven't written for a few days, so I wanted to post.

My week with my business has been excellent. I had a great event the other night, and I have had 3 people join my CM team this month. I love doing something fun and rewarding. It's great.

It's also great to be back to my normal schedule at work - 4 days working, 3 days off. I am still learning so much and realizing how much I don't know. I pray that God will always keep me humble in this position. I am finding, though, that I really do enjoy my role and I love helping new staff learn new things about working with kids/teens. And of course, there's always adventure, like when a child runs away, etc. I thrive on change, so this works for me.

Well I guess my ramblings are done for tonight. I am going to have a snack, curl up on the couch, and watch something mindless on TV.

Life and Death

A few weeks ago, my husband shared with me that one of our youth group kids had led a friend to Jesus Christ. I was so excited to hear that and know that another person now has eternal life. On Sunday, he left his earthly body (what we refer to as death) and went to be with his Savior. It's a strange and sad, yet somehow hopeful, passing.

I know the pain of death myself, having lost my daddy when I was 13. He was 38, and his death was a tragic accident, similar to this young man's. Something that shouldn't have happened, something that might have been avoided if circumstances were different, yet something that no one can change. I've often wondered if I could go back and change the way that day went, would things be different? I was there - I was in the Jeep when Dad flew off the back rollbars onto the dirt road. What if Chip hadn't been driving? What if we hadn't left the baseball game? What if Dad hadn't been such an adventurous and risk-taking guy? What if?

I can imagine all the thoughts going through many of his friends' minds today. Probably similar to mine the days following the accident. Yet, no matter how many times I asked those questions, he never came back. I often imagined that maybe this was just some big joke, or perhaps some way for Dad to escape and go live a different life. Perhaps he really didn't die - maybe he's out there somewhere. See, the last time I saw him was lying on the ground on his side, blood flowing out of his ear. I never saw him in the hospital. How could I be sure that was really him in the casket? Your mind does strange things when you don't want to believe something is true.

So now, as I listen to the cries and see the tears of the precious young men and women of our youth group, my heart aches for them. I remember the pain, but this time I don't feel it - at least not as deeply as I have felt other losses. I didn't really know this young man, and as tragic as it is, I can't feel the depths of his friends' pain. I can only hope and pray that God will bring them comfort as he did for me. I remember lying on the couch and weeping - realizing all the things that I would never get to do with my father. Everyone said, "It's going to be okay". And I knew it wasn't. It wasn't because he wouldn't be there at 8th grade graduation, when I played sports in high school, when I received my diploma, when I got married, or had my first child... no, it wasn't going to be okay. Yet, somehow, almost 12 years later, it is. I am okay. I am different, but I am okay. And I know that the only reason I am okay is because of Jesus bringing me the comfort and peace that only he can bring.

Responsibility

Responsibility is an interesting thing. When it works to our advantage, we take full credit for it. However, when it means we might have to face something difficult, we shy away from it.

I had an interesting experience at work today. As a new supervisor amongst a group of employees, I am finding new challenges every day. One in particular is that many staff don't want to take responsiblity for passing on changes or decisions made to the clients. They, instead, believe that I (a supervisor) or one of the other supervisors should be doing this. In a sense, I can see their perspective. I have been there myself. There have been decisions made in other work settings that I have had to enforce and/or pass on to others. It's not always fun. However, it was part of my job. And so it seems, some people don't want to have to face the client's reaction to these decisions. And it's so minor, I can hardly even believe that they are getting upset about it.

The bottom line is, they want to be "buddies" or "friends" with the clients, and want the supervisors to be the "bad guys". That way, they will still be liked and "fun". Well, sorry - that's not what we're paying you to do. And the fact is, I have given info to the clients on many occassions - difficult info - which they have somehow managed to accept. Perhaps it's in the presentation? Perhaps it's going into it knowing that you can handle it and that the kid is probably gonna blow off steam and then be fine. Who knows...

Well, that's my soap box for the day. I think we all have parts of our job that aren't "fun", and we all need to recognize our responsiblities and own up to them - good or bad.

A good day

Today has been a good day. One of the biggest reasons it's been a good day is because I got to sleep in! I love sleeping in, but I don't do it often anymore. It was nice to just lay in bed with my hubby and our cat curled up at our feet with the rain drizzling outside our window. Once I decided I could manage to wake up, I went downstairs to get ready for the day. I looked outside and noticed that our mailbox had disappeared. It disappeared into the ditch. Great... So I talked to Scott and we decided it was time for an upgrade in the mailbox department. We were headed into town anyway, so we figured we'd stop at Home Depot. We first went out to breakfast at Denny's - yummy. Then we went to Sam's Club to pick up some groceries and printer cartridges. It's amazing how you can rarely leave Sam's Club without spending at least $100!

Anyway, next stop was Home Depot. Scott was ready to pick out all the lumber he would need to make a nice wooden mailbox stand. Then I thought, "I wonder if they have pre-made mailbox stands." He said, "Maybe, let's check it out." Lo and behold, I was right! We got the stand and the metal thing to shove in the ground and we were done! I told him I preferred that option to him spending several hours attempting to make something, getting frustrated, and taking it out on me. (hmmm... that never happens, right?) He agreed this was the better choice.

Then we went to a movie - Failure to Launch. It was quite funny and it was nice since we rarely go out to movies. We had a nice time and then went home. Scott got the mailbox up and it looks great! Hopefully we won't have the disappearing mailbox problem again anytime soon. Plus, this just looks so much better than the metal post stuck into 3 cinderblocks.

Well, I guess that's all. I am now spending my evening working on Creative Memories stuff, and hopefully meeting with someone who may join my team. And since I slept in this morning, I'm sure I'll end up staying up later than I should and regret it in the morning...

Walking the dog

Whenever we decide to take the dog for a walk, there's always something interesting that happens. Today I called Scott up from work and asked if he wanted to meet me at the Bangor City Forest for a walk. He agreed, albeit reluctantly, and at 3:20 we were headed down the path with Mia. Scott and I have different theories about Mia and whether she should always be on a leash when we walk in the forest. So, she was off leash, of course, when she ran down a side trail and crammed her entire head into what appeared to be some kind of poop. Lovely. Later when we encountered a stream, we tried to get some of it off her, but nonetheless, the smell remained. Scott said she could go home in my vehicle.

I decided to take advantage of the self-service dog wash at Petco. Wouldn't you know, they require you to have proof of rabies vaccination? Silly me - I forgot to bring that with me today. So I determined that she would be getting a bath when we got home. Mia does not like baths. She doesn't like going near the tub. We managed to get her in, and once she was there, she sort of cowered and sulked for the rest of the time. She did enjoy, however, the yummy peanut butter Scott fed to her as a reward for participating in this experience.

Anyway, we now have a shiny, clean dog. She looks and smells so much better! I know it'll happen again, probably the next time we take a walk in the woods, but hey - at least she'll look good for a few days....

Back to normal

I am finally back to my normal schedule at work! I am so excited. The past two weeks I've worked at 7am, which is not really my fave time of the day. So I am excited to be back on my Wed.-Sat. schedule, working usually not until 8 or 9am, and then I work later into the evening. So I have Sunday through Tuesday off, which is what I'm used to. Wooohooo!

Calendar Blocking

Learning about calendar blocking at my CM training was incredibly helpful. It's a familiar concept, but it's something you have to be consistent with for it to work. The idea is that you block off certain times during your week for different activities. For me, it's broken down into 3 categories - family, work, and business. The idea is that when you are doing, say, a business activity, that you're not also thinking about a family activity. Or, when you're doing a family activity, you're not also trying to do business-related tasks. It's a good philosophy, and it just takes planning out your week to make sure you stick to your goals. I have already felt better about the way my days are going because I've been following my calendar blocking.

Anyway, I realize this is sort of a boring blog today, but hey - it's my blog.

Exhaustion

My lack of posting recently is due to a few reasons. One is that I left for Minneapolis the week before last on Wednesday evening and did not return home until Monday morning. I then spent a few moments with my hubby before he headed to work. Then I had to unpack and also spend time organizing my thoughts from the weekend - a really great training for Creative Memories. On Tuesday I headed to work at 7am, and did this for the rest of the week until Friday. I was the only supervisor (well, the other supervisor is brand new and still in training) at the group home, and I was also on call. So the week was busy. Then, Friday I left work at 1 to run home, pack up, and head to Snow Camp.

I have returned home from Snow Camp EXHAUSTED. Snow Camp was great - 29 kids and 5 leaders on the side of Blueberry Mountain in western Maine. Lots of time to spend with the kids (teens actually), focusing on their relationship with God and also having tons of fun. It was great. But inevitably we come back tired and ready for some down time. Our leader team decided the appropriate intervention for this was going out to eat at the Texas Roadhouse. Yes, a good steak and lots of yummy bread can solve just about anything.

Well now I'm at home, trying to make sure bills are paid and that I have clean clothes to wear. Yup, back up for 7am again tomorrow at work. I can't wait till Thursday when my boss returns and I can go back to my regular schedule!!! Woohoo... Thankfully, there's been no major crises since she's been gone, at least to my knowledge. Everything could be different when I go in tomorrow morning. I'll sign off for now, but I'll try to be more consistent with my bogging this week.