random thoughts late at night

I really shouldn't be up right now posting - I should be going to bed. But after working 11 hours, I needed some unwinding time. Plus, my hubby is away tonight leaving me alone (with the cat and dog to protect me).

Anyway, I was just reading Steve's blog (www.worldoftomorrow.blogspot.com) about the latest Lost episode. I have to agree - a very good episode indeed. I was almost starting to get bored, but this week they amped things up and made it interesting again. I'm still trying to figure out whether the guy in the hatch with Locke is a good guy or not. I guess based on the end of this last episode, we might be leaning towards the bad guy side. I don't know. I'm not very good at figuring out all the details - I just like the story line. I also like the character development and the flashbacks to the past.

Well, that's the end of any somewhat coherent thoughts to come out of my brain tonight. I need to get to bed so I can be back at work at 8am. Woohoo!

Taxes

We had our taxes done the other day. Just when I thought there might be a chance of not paying in this year (as we have the past 2 years), my hopes were dashed. No such luck. Once again, we owe the state of Maine and the federal government a chunk of money. It amazes me that we can owe this much. Even when we adjusted our withholdings back in April, it still ended up that we didn't have enough withheld. I am starting to get a little sick of this issue.

What's even more frustrating is working in social work and seeing where some of the money goes. Sometimes it amazes me how ungrateful people are when they are receiving so much stuff PAID FOR BY ME. It's like, oh, no big deal if that breaks - I'll just get a new one. Or, like one of the kids I work with - I didn't buy these shoes, so no big deal if I gamble with them and lose them - I'll just get DHS to buy me more.

Yeah, reality can be a bummer sometimes. So, once again we have to dip into savings to pay our taxes. Maybe next year we can finally break even!!

Fried

There's not a lot to talk about right now. My mind is fried after working a 11 hour day. It wasn't difficult, I'm just finding that my brain doesn't want to think. But I know I haven't written for a few days, so I wanted to post.

My week with my business has been excellent. I had a great event the other night, and I have had 3 people join my CM team this month. I love doing something fun and rewarding. It's great.

It's also great to be back to my normal schedule at work - 4 days working, 3 days off. I am still learning so much and realizing how much I don't know. I pray that God will always keep me humble in this position. I am finding, though, that I really do enjoy my role and I love helping new staff learn new things about working with kids/teens. And of course, there's always adventure, like when a child runs away, etc. I thrive on change, so this works for me.

Well I guess my ramblings are done for tonight. I am going to have a snack, curl up on the couch, and watch something mindless on TV.

Life and Death

A few weeks ago, my husband shared with me that one of our youth group kids had led a friend to Jesus Christ. I was so excited to hear that and know that another person now has eternal life. On Sunday, he left his earthly body (what we refer to as death) and went to be with his Savior. It's a strange and sad, yet somehow hopeful, passing.

I know the pain of death myself, having lost my daddy when I was 13. He was 38, and his death was a tragic accident, similar to this young man's. Something that shouldn't have happened, something that might have been avoided if circumstances were different, yet something that no one can change. I've often wondered if I could go back and change the way that day went, would things be different? I was there - I was in the Jeep when Dad flew off the back rollbars onto the dirt road. What if Chip hadn't been driving? What if we hadn't left the baseball game? What if Dad hadn't been such an adventurous and risk-taking guy? What if?

I can imagine all the thoughts going through many of his friends' minds today. Probably similar to mine the days following the accident. Yet, no matter how many times I asked those questions, he never came back. I often imagined that maybe this was just some big joke, or perhaps some way for Dad to escape and go live a different life. Perhaps he really didn't die - maybe he's out there somewhere. See, the last time I saw him was lying on the ground on his side, blood flowing out of his ear. I never saw him in the hospital. How could I be sure that was really him in the casket? Your mind does strange things when you don't want to believe something is true.

So now, as I listen to the cries and see the tears of the precious young men and women of our youth group, my heart aches for them. I remember the pain, but this time I don't feel it - at least not as deeply as I have felt other losses. I didn't really know this young man, and as tragic as it is, I can't feel the depths of his friends' pain. I can only hope and pray that God will bring them comfort as he did for me. I remember lying on the couch and weeping - realizing all the things that I would never get to do with my father. Everyone said, "It's going to be okay". And I knew it wasn't. It wasn't because he wouldn't be there at 8th grade graduation, when I played sports in high school, when I received my diploma, when I got married, or had my first child... no, it wasn't going to be okay. Yet, somehow, almost 12 years later, it is. I am okay. I am different, but I am okay. And I know that the only reason I am okay is because of Jesus bringing me the comfort and peace that only he can bring.

Responsibility

Responsibility is an interesting thing. When it works to our advantage, we take full credit for it. However, when it means we might have to face something difficult, we shy away from it.

I had an interesting experience at work today. As a new supervisor amongst a group of employees, I am finding new challenges every day. One in particular is that many staff don't want to take responsiblity for passing on changes or decisions made to the clients. They, instead, believe that I (a supervisor) or one of the other supervisors should be doing this. In a sense, I can see their perspective. I have been there myself. There have been decisions made in other work settings that I have had to enforce and/or pass on to others. It's not always fun. However, it was part of my job. And so it seems, some people don't want to have to face the client's reaction to these decisions. And it's so minor, I can hardly even believe that they are getting upset about it.

The bottom line is, they want to be "buddies" or "friends" with the clients, and want the supervisors to be the "bad guys". That way, they will still be liked and "fun". Well, sorry - that's not what we're paying you to do. And the fact is, I have given info to the clients on many occassions - difficult info - which they have somehow managed to accept. Perhaps it's in the presentation? Perhaps it's going into it knowing that you can handle it and that the kid is probably gonna blow off steam and then be fine. Who knows...

Well, that's my soap box for the day. I think we all have parts of our job that aren't "fun", and we all need to recognize our responsiblities and own up to them - good or bad.

A good day

Today has been a good day. One of the biggest reasons it's been a good day is because I got to sleep in! I love sleeping in, but I don't do it often anymore. It was nice to just lay in bed with my hubby and our cat curled up at our feet with the rain drizzling outside our window. Once I decided I could manage to wake up, I went downstairs to get ready for the day. I looked outside and noticed that our mailbox had disappeared. It disappeared into the ditch. Great... So I talked to Scott and we decided it was time for an upgrade in the mailbox department. We were headed into town anyway, so we figured we'd stop at Home Depot. We first went out to breakfast at Denny's - yummy. Then we went to Sam's Club to pick up some groceries and printer cartridges. It's amazing how you can rarely leave Sam's Club without spending at least $100!

Anyway, next stop was Home Depot. Scott was ready to pick out all the lumber he would need to make a nice wooden mailbox stand. Then I thought, "I wonder if they have pre-made mailbox stands." He said, "Maybe, let's check it out." Lo and behold, I was right! We got the stand and the metal thing to shove in the ground and we were done! I told him I preferred that option to him spending several hours attempting to make something, getting frustrated, and taking it out on me. (hmmm... that never happens, right?) He agreed this was the better choice.

Then we went to a movie - Failure to Launch. It was quite funny and it was nice since we rarely go out to movies. We had a nice time and then went home. Scott got the mailbox up and it looks great! Hopefully we won't have the disappearing mailbox problem again anytime soon. Plus, this just looks so much better than the metal post stuck into 3 cinderblocks.

Well, I guess that's all. I am now spending my evening working on Creative Memories stuff, and hopefully meeting with someone who may join my team. And since I slept in this morning, I'm sure I'll end up staying up later than I should and regret it in the morning...

Walking the dog

Whenever we decide to take the dog for a walk, there's always something interesting that happens. Today I called Scott up from work and asked if he wanted to meet me at the Bangor City Forest for a walk. He agreed, albeit reluctantly, and at 3:20 we were headed down the path with Mia. Scott and I have different theories about Mia and whether she should always be on a leash when we walk in the forest. So, she was off leash, of course, when she ran down a side trail and crammed her entire head into what appeared to be some kind of poop. Lovely. Later when we encountered a stream, we tried to get some of it off her, but nonetheless, the smell remained. Scott said she could go home in my vehicle.

I decided to take advantage of the self-service dog wash at Petco. Wouldn't you know, they require you to have proof of rabies vaccination? Silly me - I forgot to bring that with me today. So I determined that she would be getting a bath when we got home. Mia does not like baths. She doesn't like going near the tub. We managed to get her in, and once she was there, she sort of cowered and sulked for the rest of the time. She did enjoy, however, the yummy peanut butter Scott fed to her as a reward for participating in this experience.

Anyway, we now have a shiny, clean dog. She looks and smells so much better! I know it'll happen again, probably the next time we take a walk in the woods, but hey - at least she'll look good for a few days....

Back to normal

I am finally back to my normal schedule at work! I am so excited. The past two weeks I've worked at 7am, which is not really my fave time of the day. So I am excited to be back on my Wed.-Sat. schedule, working usually not until 8 or 9am, and then I work later into the evening. So I have Sunday through Tuesday off, which is what I'm used to. Wooohooo!

Calendar Blocking

Learning about calendar blocking at my CM training was incredibly helpful. It's a familiar concept, but it's something you have to be consistent with for it to work. The idea is that you block off certain times during your week for different activities. For me, it's broken down into 3 categories - family, work, and business. The idea is that when you are doing, say, a business activity, that you're not also thinking about a family activity. Or, when you're doing a family activity, you're not also trying to do business-related tasks. It's a good philosophy, and it just takes planning out your week to make sure you stick to your goals. I have already felt better about the way my days are going because I've been following my calendar blocking.

Anyway, I realize this is sort of a boring blog today, but hey - it's my blog.

Exhaustion

My lack of posting recently is due to a few reasons. One is that I left for Minneapolis the week before last on Wednesday evening and did not return home until Monday morning. I then spent a few moments with my hubby before he headed to work. Then I had to unpack and also spend time organizing my thoughts from the weekend - a really great training for Creative Memories. On Tuesday I headed to work at 7am, and did this for the rest of the week until Friday. I was the only supervisor (well, the other supervisor is brand new and still in training) at the group home, and I was also on call. So the week was busy. Then, Friday I left work at 1 to run home, pack up, and head to Snow Camp.

I have returned home from Snow Camp EXHAUSTED. Snow Camp was great - 29 kids and 5 leaders on the side of Blueberry Mountain in western Maine. Lots of time to spend with the kids (teens actually), focusing on their relationship with God and also having tons of fun. It was great. But inevitably we come back tired and ready for some down time. Our leader team decided the appropriate intervention for this was going out to eat at the Texas Roadhouse. Yes, a good steak and lots of yummy bread can solve just about anything.

Well now I'm at home, trying to make sure bills are paid and that I have clean clothes to wear. Yup, back up for 7am again tomorrow at work. I can't wait till Thursday when my boss returns and I can go back to my regular schedule!!! Woohoo... Thankfully, there's been no major crises since she's been gone, at least to my knowledge. Everything could be different when I go in tomorrow morning. I'll sign off for now, but I'll try to be more consistent with my bogging this week.

Addiction

Ok, I admit it. I'm addicted. To Smallville, that is. Since we don't have cable (yes, I know it's the 21st century) I had only heard about Smallville. And I had seen one episode on a Saturday afternoon when it happened to be on one of the 3 channels we do get. But back around the holidays I discovered that my stepfather had it on DVD, so we decided to borrow it. Well, let's just say it's February and we are almost done season 4! That's what I'd call addiction. It's a great show and I have gotten sucked in. What I love about it is that it has an interesting story line, but it doesn't have 17 billion extra characters that you have to figure out, like Alias for example. Even though I love Alias, I usualy am quite confused about what is actually happening!

Anyway, I am bummed to realize that the current season of Smallville is season 5. That means when we finish season 4, I'm going to have to wait for a while before season 5 comes out on DVD. I might go into withdrawals! Although, we did skip a few episodes that I MUST go back and watch so that I can figure out some of the things we missed (like how Chloe found out about Clark's powers). Another perk - Tom Welling's not that bad to look at. Hahaha - ok just kidding - I'm happily married to the hottest guy in the universe!

Missed appointments

I'd have to say that as a business woman, there is little I dislike less than people who miss a scheduled appointment or cancel at the last minute. I realize there are times when this is necessary, but when you tell someone you'll be there, then you should be there! (And if you're not going to be, then you call and apologize)... I take time out of my [busy] schedule and set it aside for a particular meeting or event. Then I have someone assure me that they'll be there, only to not show up!

Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day is an interesting holiday. I find that people do one of two things: boycott it (i.e. whine, moan, and complain about how horrible it is) or embrace it (with all the money, time, and effort that implies). I guess I would fall more in the "embrace it" category. I mean, I realize that it's commercialized and just a ploy for Hallmark to make tons of money. But I try to find ways around that. For example, this year I made my husband a photo album of the past 9 years we've known each other (Wow! I didn't realize it'd been that long). I didn't buy him a card, because I know he hates them and usually throws them away. So, I managed to give him something he wanted, but that was also sort of mushy.

Anyway, all that to say that I think it's ridiculous to hate a holiday just because you don't think you have a reason to celebrate. (Lots of people celebrate Christmas even though they don't know the true reason to celebrate.) So I guess I'd rather celebrate Valentine's Day and just find ways to make it less about marketing and more about love.

Not much at all

I always feel like I have to have some big topic to write about on my blog. It's silly really, since my blog is my blog and I shouldn't be worrying about impressing anyone. So I guess I'll just write something quick tonight. Today has been a good day - church, then a nap with my kitty, then over to friends' for lunch and a little event planning, then back to church for a youth group meeting. While there, we learned that the evening service was cancelled due to the snow, so we came home and had dinner. Then I watched Extreme Makeover Home Edition and Desperate Housewives while working on my scrapbook album. Now I'm off to watch Smallville with my hubby!

Pain in the neck

So I sat up in bed yesterday morning and felt a sharp pain in my neck. Then, as I stood up to go downstairs, I could hardly move my head left to right or up and down. I took the dog out, went to the bathroom, and attempted to go back to sleep. Then I couldn't even get in a comfortable position where the pain was not constant. For the next hour and a half I couldn't get back to sleep, which is odd for me, since I love sleeping in!

Later I got up and thought maybe a hot shower would help loosen it up - but I couldn't even tip my head back to rinse my hair! This sounds crazy, I know, and I felt ridiculous. I've had a stiff neck before from sleeping the wrong way, but this was way worse than that. I decided I'd better call the doctor's office, because I didn't feel like I could safely drive or go to work the way I was. So I had my darling husband take me to the doctor's office and got it checked out. The doctor said not to go to work, prescribed a muscle relaxant, and scheduled a follow-up. So the rest of the day was spent on the couch with a hot pad on my neck and back, either sleeping or wathcing a movie. I felt so silly because I wanted to go to work and I wanted to be able to do all the things I normally do. Other than the constant pain and inability to move my head, I felt fine! However, some things you just have no control over.

After a day of rest and a good night's sleep, I felt much better this morning. I was still sore throughout the day, and sitting doing paperwork was not extremely enjoyable, but I'm sure I'll be back to normal again soon.

Purpose?

I was informed by my friend Jess tonight that I've been neglecting my blog. I confess - it's been a long week. Despite the recent challenges, I've been able to enjoy some fun stuff this week. Tonight, for example, at the Superbowl party at Steve and Jessica's. We laughed a lot and just had fun.

I'd have to say that the highlight of my week was Friday evening. After work I went straight to a Creative Memories meeting. There my team recongized my recent promotion to Unit Leader. That was great, but the really meaningful part was when we talked about the purpose of why we are doing this. This, in the conversation, was being a Creative Memories Consultant. But you could ask the same question in just about any area of your life. "What is my purpose in doing this?" It really got me thinking about how so often we start out doing something for the right reasons, but then get caught up in the "stuff" - money, fame, popularity, etc. So I've been trying to evaluate the different activities I'm involved in with that thought in mind - what is my purpose? I don't know that there is a right answer to the question. It seems the important thing is to know what your purpose is and keep your focus on that, not allowing yourself to be caught up in the extras. And if you are doing something but can't figure out what your purpose it, perhaps you shouldn't be doing it.

Well, I think that is all the thought I can squeeze out of my brain at this time of night. My hubby's already asleep, and I should probably join him.

Change

I thrive on change, but at the same time I hate it. This past week was a time of change. My grandfather left his earthly body and went to be with God. There were moments of anger and moments of joy. He is no longer suffering, and that is a relief. However, the wake was Friday and the funeral was Satruday, so this meant that our plans to attend a marriage retreat were shot. We had intended to go with 3 other couples from our church, and we were really looking forward to it. So I was disappointed in that change in plans.

Being with my mom's entire family was good, though, because it doesn't happen often. Although it was for a sad reason, I am thankful that we all could see each other. We took lots of photos, thanks to my persistence. The funeral was beautiful, and many people were there to honor my grandfather. I felt so blessed to be a part of his legacy.

So, my feelings about change continue to be mixed. I guess the best thing to do is just keep going, and accept that change happens. And I hope to take a lesson from my grandmother, who has dealt with this change with dignity and grace. I pray that I can be that graceful in dealing with the many changes I will face in my lifetime...

A stormy night

After a highly unusual January week where we hit 50 degrees, things returned to normal today here in Maine. The snow came down all afternoon, and we decided to cancel youth group. Although I miss seeing the kids, this turned out to be a good thing. My grandfather is dying, and tonight we were able to go see him. It's hard to see someone you love so much in that stage of life. I'm thankful, though, that I know he will soon be in a better place. I'm also thankful that I have had the chance to say goodbye. When I lost my father, I did not have that opportunity. It was sudden, and after the accident he never regained consciousness. So, although it's hard to see Grampy this way, I know he will soon be with our Savior and seeing my father, amongst so many others he knows.

Movie

I can't say I'm much of a movie buff. I enjoy watching them, have a few that I've bought, but I don't usually remember all the details and analyze every character, etc. However, this is a movie I plan to see: www.endofthespear.com. You can find where it will be playing near you, and I recommend checking it out. For those of you in Bangor, it'll be at the Odlin Road movie theater, but doesn't appear to be going t Hoyts. It opens on January 20th, so check it out!

Cheap Tickets

I'm going to Minneapolis in February - that is, if I can find cheap airline tickets. I'm not going to Minneapolis for pleasure - there's nothing pleasurable about Minneapolis in the dead of winter. (I know - I used to live there). I'm going for my business, and thankfully there's someone else going with me. The problem is that I'm having hard time finding cheap enough tickets. I don't understand how you can fly from Maine to California for half the price of flying from Maine to Minnesota. Don't they realize that it's half the distance, so it should be half the price!?! I've flown from Maine to Michigan for $130. I've flown from Maine to Guatemala for $500. I've flown from NH to California for $200. So I really don't get how flying from Maine to Minnesota should cost $400!

Anyway, I'll probably end up going and just writing it off as a business expense (which it is). But I just would like to find a way to get there for a decent price. I'm open to suggestions!